My husband came up with a brilliant get-to-know-you activity for his graduate class. At the start of the semester he has each student tell something about themselves that they would like other people to know but won’t ever come up in conversation and would sound like bragging if they brought it up. Brilliant!
We have all been trained in modesty. (One exception is Dr. Brennan on the show Bones, but her immodesty is quite charming.) While I think modesty is generally a great quality, we can take it too far. I remember hiding my graded papers in school. I didn’t want the students sitting around me to see the 100% I made. In my quest to be modest, I didn’t fully celebrate my successes.
Last week we talked about how to help your daughter fail well. It is just as important to help her succeed well. Here are some tips:
Celebrate success
Don’t hide those report cards or store the trophies in a drawer. Frame those accomplishments, and let your daughter know you are proud of her. Celebrate everything from the smiley face sticker on the behavior chart to the glowing recommendation for college.
Teach gracious winning
From the first time we beat our daughters at Candy Land we tried to teach her how to be a gracious loser. Don’t forget to help her be a gracious winner as well. If she is rubbing her brother’s face in her success, then it is time for you as the mamma to step in and teach your daughter to win with class. Gracious winners do not taunt or in any way make fun of the other team or other competitors.
Praise effort not results
I am still struggling with this one. Experts say that when we praise our children for success we are inadvertently helping them to develop a fixed mindset. A fixed mindset says that they either succeed or fail based on their intelligence or competence. This is bad because when they come up against a problem that is difficult for them they will give up because they just assume their intelligence or skill isn’t enough to overcome the obstacle.
A growth mindset, on the other hand, says that more effort or better preparation is the reason for their accomplishment. So when these children face difficult problems, they continue to try to solve them because they believe success is just around the corner.
So it is important to complement your daughter on how hard she trained for the recital, not for her flawless execution of the dance steps.
Thank the source of success
How often do you remember to thank Jesus for your daughter’s success? All success is directly tied to Him. Academic success is thanks to the way He created her mind to function and learn. Athletic success can be traced back to the strong muscles and bones He created her with. No matter what she succeeds in, help her see how her success is tied to her Jesus. This will not only help keep her from being puffed up with pride, but it will help her to think of God not as someone who created her and left her on her own, but as the One who is with her each time she sits for an exam or runs a mile.
These are my top 4 ways to help your daughter succeed well. What other ones can you think of? Share in the comments below.
