“It’s not fair!”
If you haven’t heard that phrase come out of your daughter’s mouth at least once this week then one of two things is going on. Either your daughter is incredibly mature for her age, or you aren’t listening to her.
Preteen and teen girls are programed to search out unfairness and destroy it if possible. They are constantly comparing their life to that of everyone else, and they are bound to find examples of gross unfairness inflicted upon them.
- He got the last cookie—it’s not fair
- Coach played her more than me last game—he is so unfair
- That teacher lets her go to the bathroom whenever she wants but no one else can—it’s not fair
- Why do I always have to feed the dog and my brother doesn’t—you are so unfair.
And it is not always just her being dramatic. Sometimes things really aren’t fair. So how can you help your daughter survive when life is not fair?
Just Look.
Look around: Help your daughter figure out what factors caused the unfairness. Maybe the cookie went to her brother because he fell asleep before he got dessert last night. Maybe there is an issue with the girl at school that the teacher knows about so she lets her use the restroom whenever she needs to. There are so many factors that could influence why someone seems to be unfair. Try thinking of a few possibilities with her.
Look down: When she looks down she can see herself. Help her identify if there are any actions she could take to make things more fair next time. If coach isn’t playing her enough, maybe she could work on her serve before next practice so he can see her dedication.
Look back: Help her remember a time when unfairness worked to her advantage. Yes, her brother got the last cookie, but she was the one who got to go on vacation with her grandparents last summer. That probably didn’t feel very fair to her brother.
Look up: Sometimes she is just going to have to ask God to help her deal with the unfairness of life. Point out people in the Bible who faced very unfair situations like Joseph or Job. God was walking them through the unfairness to bring about something great in their life, and He can do the same for your daughter.
Look ahead: Unfair situations in life are going to happen. It won’t do her any good to continue to gripe and complain about them. Teach her to analyze the injustice, learn from it, put it in the past, and move forward with confidence.
Life is not fair. Although it would be nice, we have no guarantee that every single person will treat us fairly. In fact, because of sin we can be sure that most people will not treat us fairly all the time. So help your daughter deal with unfairness in a positive way by looking around, down, back, up, and ahead. Only when she has a proper view of the unfairness can she have a proper response to it.
