Last Friday my daughter and I enjoyed an evening out. We grabbed our favorite Chinese food and talked about band. Then we headed over to the pottery store and painted tiles and created the coolest mosaic.
She wanted our mosaic to depict the miracles of Jesus, so we talked about which miracles 
we could display using colored beads and tile fragments. I was amazed at the creativity that flowed from my daughter as she worked. I was also blessed by the conversation that flowed from her as we arranged and glued and painted.
Besides giving us time to do an activity we both enjoy, the night was special because I learned more about her. We talked about likes and dislikes, friends and crushes. She shared her heart about friends who are not walking with Jesus and asked my advice on how to encourage them.
If you aren’t making regular one-on-one time with your daughter, you are missing a prime opportunity to not only connect with her but to influence who she is becoming. According to Deuteronomy 6:7, passing on our faith and values happens in the everyday rhythms of life—as we sit at home or walk along the road. I know my home is many times too cluttered (both figuratively and literally) for us to carve out enough time to talk. So we have to make plans to spend time together.
I pray that you too decide to spend time with your daughter regularly. Next week I am going to give suggestions of activities you might enjoy together. But first, here are some guidelines to ensure more successful Mother/Daughter dates.
It is NOT a time for lectures. Your daughter migh
t need to be more responsible with her phone so you don’t have to replace the screen again—don’t bring it up. You may have noticed her grades in science are slipping due to careless work—save that conversation for another time. Protect your time together from lectures
It is ok to be silly and look foolish. Recently we have been watching old home movies. There is one in particular that I cringed watching. I had donned my husband’s graduation robe and a black towel and was portraying a wicked witch who was out to get the princess (my daughter of course). While the costume was lacking and the acting sure wouldn’t have won me any awards, it meant the world to my daughter then and now that I was willing to look and act silly for her. I have hesitated to try certain activities because of my fear of looking foolish. But who do I need to impress with my perfection anyway? Allowing myself to wobble like a drunk man on a unicycle while I tried ice skating for the first time was worth it to see her reaction to mamma being brave. I didn’t notice any people laughing at my ineptitude, but even if they had, her opinion of me is much more important than what some strangers think of my ability. So mammas—get out there and be silly with your girl. Those memories will last far longer than if you take the safe route.
Table any arguments or reframe them. I know you aren’t going to lecture her on your date, but sometimes arguments spontaneously erupt when you have two hormonal females together. Make it a rule that all arguments on your date have to be settled while speaking like Yoda or in a Jamaican accent. By changing the way you argue on your dates, you just might find the argument is more funny than divisive. And if there is something too big to discuss in a funny accent or with a mock swordfight using drinking straws, then agree to set it aside until you are home.
Prioritize the relationship over regulations. My daughter and I made plans to go clothes shopping before school started. I could hardly wait to have her all to myself while we choose new boots and tops that would look cute on her. A few days before the trip, though, she asked if she could invite a friend. Although I wanted it to just be the two of us, I agreed that her friend could come. And then the friend invited another friend. Suddenly instead of an active participant, I was relegated to the driver. I could have put my foot down and insisted on us going alone. I could have made my daughter stick to the original plan. But I chose to preserve my relationship with her instead. I drove the girls, and we had a good time. (I even went in some new stores.) And when she didn’t find everything she needed on that trip, she and I went back another day and had even more fun.
Stick to these four guidelines, and you are sure to have some great mother/daughter dates. Next week I will be sharing some specific ideas for what you can plan to do together.
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